A successful Standardbred trainer since early in his career, at a younger age, David Menary was mostly concerned with two things: winning races and drinking. As the years passed however, family became the most important thing to the happily married father of three. Sober for more than five years now, and coming off one of the best years of his career, Dave’s proudest moment over the past few years didn’t come from winning stakes races, it came from getting his oldest daughter, Lexie, back home to Canada, and helping her overcome the tragic loss of her mother. By Chris Lomon.
A successful trainer his entire career, David Menary used to judge success simply by the numbers: winning percentage and purse money. Now a little older, with a loving wife and three beautiful daughters, Menary sees things a little differently. After conquering his own demons and helping his oldest daughter through tragic loss, while fighting himself to stay successful in a tough business, David now realizes there’s more to life than just success on the racetrack. There’s family, love and happiness as well, and these days, Dave Menary has it all.
It’s fitting that a conversation with David Menary takes place on a day when the sky is dotted with clouds as far as the eye can see - especially after he shares the following anecdote.
“I had a friend once tell me that when you think of life, think of clouds. Bad times will come, but they will eventually pass. Today is a good day,” stated the 44-year-old Ontario horseman. “I always appreciate those.”
Bad times, some of them self-inflicted, others simply misfortune, were once a familiar presence in Menary’s world, including his battle with alcoholism, an affliction that he shares openly and willingly.
He is, in his own words, imperfect, yet, throughout his journey, whether it has been moving forward, backward, stuck in neutral, or anywhere in between, Menary has remained resilient and resolute.
Not that it’s always been easy.
He launched his Standardbred training career in modest fashion, winning one race in both 1999 and 2000. By 2010, after building up his clientele base and campaigning a more talented band of pacers and trotters, David hit his best stride, with a personal-best 107 victories, and more than $2.3 million in purses.
That was the first of seven straight years when the Menary Stable would earn north of $1 million/year, but during that same time, his struggles with alcoholism worsened.
“It wasn’t like the stable suffered from my drinking,” David shares. “We had a great go for many years during that time. I was still in the barn early every morning, and home late most nights. I was just drunk a lot. Everything that I do, I give it all I have,” he states. “Even drinking,” he says with a chuckle.
For example, in the days that he raced Hes Watching, one of the top rookie and sophomore pacers in North America in 2013 and 2014, his drinking was at its height. But, with Menary in charge, the brilliant pacer always had everything he needed to be successful at the highest level.
He marvels at what his star horse, the one he had plucked out of the 2012 Standardbred Horse Sales Company yearling sale in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, for a mere pittance, $3,000, was able to accomplish over a remarkable career.
A bay son of American Ideal, Hes Watching went on to earn 376 times his purchase price, $1,129,215 in all. He won 13 times in 21 starts and equaled the 1:46.4 three-year-old world record when winning the $776,000 Meadowlands Pace in 2014.
“When I drank as hard as I did, I was lucky to have a great team around me,” he says earnestly. “I’ve been sober for five-and-a-half years now.”
Menary welcomed a daughter, Lexi, in 2010, with his partner at the time, Welsh horsewoman Emma Frieze. After the relationship ended, when Lexi was one, Emma eventually returned home to her native Wales with their young daughter.
“That was really hard for me, but we co-parented very well,” said Menary. “Lexi was with me between nine and 11 weeks a year. Almost every minute she wasn’t in school, she was with me.”
Three years ago however, in November, 2020, during the height of Covid, Lexi’s mother sadly passed away after a battle with cancer.
Not only would it be next to impossible to console Lexi, who had just lost her mother, from so far away, but it would also be the start of a long, often arduous process for Menary, as he worked to gain full custody of his daughter.
“After Emma passed, I didn’t get to speak to Lexi for three weeks. I sent a letter with my condolences and the thought was once she finished school [for the year], she would come to live with me. Her relatives got a court order though, that said she couldn’t be removed from the country. From there, I had to deal with the Welsh version of child services, and I also had to get a solicitor and a barrister. At times, it seemed like nothing was happening. I went and spent a week over Christmas that year, and toured around Wales with Lexi.”
In the summer of 2021, when Lexi came to Ontario for two weeks, Menary asked if she would be interested in extending her stay, a heartfelt offer with no obligation for her to accept the invitation.
Lexi made the choice to return to Wales. But it would be a short-lived decision.
“Everything was good, the way it had always been,” recalled Dave. “We used WhatsApp to stay connected, and just one week after she had left, she messaged me and said, ‘Dad, when you get up, give me a call’. I always try to talk to her before I get into the barn [Wales is five hours ahead] and she said, ‘I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’ve made up my own mind. I want to come live with you.’”
Those words prompted a reaction Menary had never anticipated. When he stepped out of the car after the call, tears streamed down his face.
“I couldn’t believe it. I went into the barn, and I was crying. It all worked out.”
Or so he had thought.
There was some resistance, albeit mild, from Lexi’s family in Wales about the timing of the move to Canada.
“I was going to get Lexi in late August, but they thought it was too close to the start of school. But they didn’t fight it too hard. Instead I told them I would be there the next day, so that the issue of school and her mental health wouldn’t be a problem. At the time, I had some horse owners in England, and with their help I was able to get there [to Wales] quickly. They helped me out a lot. There was a car waiting for me to use as soon as I got to their place, to go pick her up [in Wales].”
What transpired from the time he left home, until he got to his daughter, was not unlike something out of a Hollywood movie script.
In fact, that’s exactly what Menary had thought by the end of an adventure that was quite similar to the events that took place in a 1987 comedy hit starring Steve Martin and John Candy.
“When I made my way to pick her up, it was like the movie Planes, Trains and Automobiles,” Menary said with a laugh. “I flew into London, and had a friend pick me up there and drop me off at the train station. I took the train for three hours up to Birmingham, and then drove from there to Brecon, Wales. I spent a day or two with Lexi, we got everything packed up and made it home. With the time change, I think I had been up for 23 hours when I got there, but it was all worth it and everything was finally the way it should be.”
Although it was far from a seamless transition to her new life in Canada, with the support of Menary, his wife, Julie - the couple has been together since Lexi was three - and their two daughters, her sisters Mikayla and Savannah, Lexi eventually felt right at home.
“I have had a lot of accomplishments on the racetrack this year, but my greatest accomplishment is having Lexi with me here. She was struggling a lot over there at one point. She had Covid, she was really stressed, and she was having trouble in school. Last year she started Grade 8 here, and she got to ride in on the same bus as her little sisters. She played on the basketball team and has been riding horses… she’s been really happy here, and last spring she graduated Grade 8 with honours. They only give out around four awards in that school at the end of the year, and she got one of them, for growth. I’m so proud of her!”
Growth has been a staple of Menary’s life too.
Gone are the days of drinking and regret, having been replaced by optimism and stability.
“That’s how I am now, a one-day-at-time guy. Sobriety is a big part of my life. I used to be famous for misbehaving, now I’m famous for being sober. Whether it’s racing or life, I try not to get too high or low. I might have had a bad day three Thursdays ago, but I don’t remember it. I just move on.
“People are giving ‘Jelly Roll’ all the credit for this next line,” Dave laughs, “because he said it the other night on that awards show, but I’ve been saying, for six or seven years now, that ‘there’s a reason why your front windshield is so large and your rearview mirror is so small’. Don’t worry about what’s behind you, worry about what’s ahead.
“As long as you’re healthy, that’s what matters most of all. I don’t like listening to people complain about the little things. To see Lexi lose her mom at 41, it’s not fair. No day is ever a perfect one, but at least you get a new day to look forward to.
Julie Menary is grateful to share each of those days with her husband and their girls.
“I respect Dave for his support, and the true love he has for us. When we first met, the thing I loved the most about Dave was how much love he had for Lexi and his mom.”
“Julie and the girls are a big reason, perhaps the biggest, as to why I can never really have a bad day,” added Menary. “No matter what happens at the racetrack, I come home to three beautiful girls, a beautiful wife, a couple dogs and some cats.
“We’re both lucky to have amazing parents on both sides,” he continued. “About six or seven years ago, my parents sold their farm in Cheltenham and moved around the corner from us in Branchton. Before, they were an hour-and-a-half away, and now it’s just six minutes. Dad [Larry] is in charge of all the turnouts and does a great job. Julie’s parents are fantastic. They’re 25 minutes away in Guelph. We’re blessed to have family so close. Having family togetherness always reminds you that even if I didn’t have the results I hoped for at the track, it’s never a bad day.”
An outlook that was put to the test a few years back when Menary received a positive test for Cobalt.
He spent approximately $130,000 in legal fees, fighting the charge, but came out on the losing end. He didn’t train a racehorse - the stock was dispersed to other trainers - from January 2020 until May 2021.
A large portion of the money for the lawyers was raised through selling horses that he had an ownership stake in.
“I went down my shedrow and said, ‘OnGait, OnGait, OnGait...’” he noted, in reference to the online horse sale website used by horsepeople looking to buy or sell. “I sold most of every horse that I owned to try and clear my name.”
When he returned, Menary, who maintains his innocence, was placed in the detention barn for three months. His UTRS while in there was a lofty 0.365.
“A lot of being able to cope with the rough times is attitude. When I was drinking, it was, ‘Oh, yeah… I’ll show you’. Now, I have seen the highs and lows, so I just try and stay level. When I was young, in my 20s, I had 60 horses in my barn. I thought being a big-time trainer was how many horses you had. But I didn’t enjoy that. Then I went through a stage where I thought being a successful trainer was having a big win percentage. Now, it’s about finding that right balance between home and career.”
That is precisely what Menary has found.
His horses are thriving on the racetrack in what has been one of his most successful campaigns.
Ontario Sires Stakes (OSS) fillies Pass Line and Its A Love Thing have both posted $500,000-plus seasons, winning between them, among other things, the Shes A Great Lady and an OSS Super Final.
Menary starters have recorded north of $1.8 million in purses so far in 2023 - just shy of what the stable had earned in the four years previous combined.
“I take a lot of pride in developing young horses and treating every horse well. At the end of the day, we do this because we are dreamers. But you can only dream so much. It has to be a business. It’s like anything, it takes a lot of practice along the way, and a lot of learning. You learn a lot of lessons the hard way, but you do learn.
“I would say my average earnings per start this year is what I am most proud of. If we do the math, it’s probably just shy of $11,000. I’m lucky to have some stars in my barn that help pad those numbers, but I don’t race a big number of horses. I’m very lucky to have amazing help.”
This season’s statistics are even more impressive when you factor in that one of his biggest owners moved out over a dozen of their horses from his barn in May.
“I saw 15 horses leave in one day. I’ve seen a lot of horses come and go in my life, but not that many in one day... I get attached to the horses, so it hurt to see them go, but it happens.”
Soon after, Menary experienced some good fortune.
“I got a call from Mark Weaver telling me that he and Ron Burke would like to send me some horses. We’ve had a great relationship over time, so it was nice to rekindle that. It all works out. You need a lot of luck in this business. You can’t beat luck, but hard work can give you the best chance at having good luck.”
Having good horses also helps.
Menary, closing in on 900 career wins and with over $23.5 million in purse earnings, has certainly had that over time.
Along with Hes Watching, Pass Line and Its A Love Thing, to name just a few, there was Sintra, a son of Mach Three.
The bay gelding earned $1,691,168 in his 145-start career and was the O’Brien Award recipient for Older Pacing Horse for his 2017 campaign. Bred by Louie Camara of Puslinch, and sold for $22,000 at the 2014 Harrisburg Sale, Sintra competed at an elite level for most of his career. His major wins include the Canadian Pacing Derby, the Mohawk Gold Cup, the Graduate Series Final, and most recently, the Gold Cup & Saucer. He also won the top-level Preferred at Woodbine Mohawk Park 19 times.
Owned by TheStable.ca since July of 2022, Sintra won his final career start on September 25th at Grand River Raceway, in 1:53.3, before his connections unanimously decided that the veteran was ready to move into retirement.
TheStable’s Anthony MacDonald announced in mid-October that Sintra would be returned to the Menary family to enjoy his well-earned retirement. He was formally returned to the Menarys during a November 18th retirement ceremony at Woodbine Mohawk Park.
It was another good day for the horseman who has experienced just as many bad ones, over his years in the sport.
“There are so many different versions of what I would view as a good day. This year, winning a Grand Circuit race with an Ontario-bred [Its A Love Thing] at your hometown track [Mohawk] was a good day. But at the end of the night, it wasn’t perfect because Julie’s mom’s car broke down and our two youngest daughters weren’t in the pictures. That just shows you that not everything is going to be the way you want it to be. But you hold on to the good moments and move on from the bad times.”
For the trainer enjoying a racing renaissance in 2023, it’s how he navigates each day, from the time his alarm goes off until the moment he walks through the front door to his family.
“This year was incredible for Dave and our family,” said Julie. “He works so hard each and every day, putting in so many hours at the barn. He truly cares for these animals, and it was such a blessing to have everything fall in place this year. We are so proud of Dave and hoping for continued success in 2024.”
As for what two words best describe her husband, Julie delivered a quick response.
“Hard working and honest. Dave is one of the hardest working people I know. He likes to be hands-on with the horses, from mucking stalls to putting them away after they’ve trained. He’s honest and upfront with his owners, which I think they appreciate, and it really goes a long way in this business.”
A business that runs the gamut of exhilarating highs and humbling lows.
Menary currently has never felt more equipped to handle whatever racing has in store for him.
“I’ll steal a buddy’s line, and he says, ‘It’s just a cloud. It will pass and the sun will shine again.’”
Which is what fittingly greeted Menary the next morning as he headed to the barn.
