Hope
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John MacMillan is as passionate, and as involved in Standardbred racing as anyone could be. The former GM of Rideau Carleton Raceway, a trainer with almost 1,800 wins and more than $10 million in purses, a longtime horseman’s rep in the Ottawa area, and the current track announcer at Rideau, John has just about done it all. A marathon runner with a great zest for life, earlier this summer John sadly got some awful news from his doctors. He was literally given a death sentence by them. But to speak to him, and to see how he continues to live his life to the fullest, one would never know it. This is a sad story - yes. But it’s also an inspirational one. By Chris Lomon // Traduction Manon Gravel.
Every morning, without fail, John MacMillan, a smile etched on his face, walks over to the big window to take in the sights and sounds of the horses frolicking in the field.
On a grayish morning in Kingston, Ontario, about a two-hour drive southwest of Ottawa, the 53-year-old Standardbred horseman is watching his band of pacers and trotters playfully nickering on a cool mid-October day.
“Even now, in my situation, I’m fortunate that I have huge paddocks behind my house,” started MacMillan. “I’m looking out right now and I can see my horses in the fields every morning. It makes me feel normal in some way. Seeing them running and playing in the field brings me joy and happiness. You need those moments in your day when you are feeling sick.”
There is an unmistakable tone of resiliency and fight in MacMillan’s voice that belies the uncertainty he has had to face since a life-changing diagnosis this spring.
On his way to call the evening’s races at Rideau Carleton, he developed a severe headache, unlike anything he had experienced before. The pain was so intense that it prompted him to alter his route and head to the doctor.
“It happened so quickly. I was hoping they would give me something that could take the pain away so that I could call the program. Four hours later, I had a brain scan and an unfortunate result, a tumor. So, my whole world changed in four hours. Another 48 hours after that, I was in surgery.”
MacMillan was told he had glioblastoma, a highly malignant brain tumor that arises from astrocytes, the supportive cells in the nervous system. Normally, astrocytes are responsible for numerous roles, including providing nutrients to neurons, maintaining the blood-brain barrier, and modulating neurotransmission (how neurons communicate with each other).
According to the UCSF Brain Tumor Center website, glioblastomas often develop in the cerebral hemispheres of the brain but may occur in almost any area of the brain or spinal cord. They are especially malignant, given that the tumor cells proliferate quickly and are supported by an extensive network of blood vessels.
Despite modern therapies, the median survival for those afflicted with the disease is 14 months.
“I rest, take my [chemo] pills, and then go to radiation at noon. Unfortunately, that’s my routine these days. It’s a complete life change because from then on, your whole body starts to deteriorate.”
MacMillan, known throughout Ontario horse racing circles for his unwavering optimism and quiet determination, is fully aware of what the odds say about his chances.
Even so, the man who began working with horses in the mid-1980s at Kingston Park with the late Ted Huntbach, is unwilling to give up the fight.
“You have to battle the illness and at the same time, I don’t want to give up any of my current life,” said MacMillan, who after attaining his Masters in Business Administration at Queen’s University, served as the announcer, race secretary and general manager at Rideau Carleton before he started training horses full-time in 2000. “I still train a few horses and I still call the races. I go to the barn for a few hours every day, and I’m still trying to shoe a bit as well. It’s just a matter of adjusting, based on how you feel that day, to manage your medication, to manage your sleep and diet, and still try to exercise. That’s my new normal for now. When you are told you are at Stage 4 and have six to 12 months to live, it stirs up a lot of emotion. But it also challenges you to face it head-on.”
Self-pity, he said with a chuckle, is not an option.
Instead, he finds comfort and encouragement in all things Standardbred.
On October 15, he was in one of his most treasured places, high above the five-eighths oval at Rideau Carleton, calling a 10-race card.
One of the horses competing that evening was Dylans Bank, a pacer MacMillan trains and owns.
The six-year-old brown gelding, with Jimmy Gagnon in the race bike, took the lead from the start and was ahead by a length at the top of the stretch in the $10,000 Preferred Handicap.
Aladdin, the 6/5 choice on the tote board, came calling late and appeared to have the measure of 17/1 Dylans Bank.
At the wire, Dylans Bank held on to record a hard-fought neck victory in 1:51. It was the very same horse who won on March 16 at Flamboro Downs, at odds of 22/1, and helped push MacMillan past $10 million in career trainer purse earnings.
The latest win could be perceived, perhaps, as a moment that reflects MacMillan’s current journey, a longshot hope realized.
But as is always the case when MacMillan is in the announcer’s booth, the race is never about ingratiating himself into the call.
“It’s something where I always want to make the experiences as good as I can, not just for the fans, but for every horse in the race. Being in the industry as a trainer, you know the 50/1 shot was worked on every bit as hard as the even-money horse. I want to give them every bit as good of a call, whether they finish third or off the board. I want everybody to feel that their horse is being noticed.
“When they do win - I take great joy in the underdog winning - I also try to mention as many people as possible who are involved in the success of the horse. I can’t wait until the grooms come out of the car and into the winner’s circle so that I can announce their names. The trainer, owner, driver and horse always get recognized, but I want to mention as many people as possible because they are all part of the process.”
Those very people are also one part of a much larger group - one that continues to grow in numbers almost daily - who are reaching out to support MacMillan.
That heartfelt encouragement hasn’t gone unnoticed or unappreciated.
“It’s sensational to know that these people take the time and reach out to me, some people from provinces that I’ve never been to. They must watch Rideau Carleton or know of me somehow. I spent a lot of time at Mohawk when I was younger, so there are people who remember me from there and have reached out. Everyone says the same thing, to call if I need anything. That’s nice to hear. I raced in Montreal a lot and that community is at Rideau Carleton now. They have been tremendously supportive as well.
“I’m at that point where I can’t really shoe horses anymore. I did actually shoe Dylans Bank behind the other day [when he won],” he says proudly, “but it wasn’t easy. For the most part I can maybe shoe one foot a day, but probably not very well because I can’t see as well as I used to. I can’t train fast miles because I get so dizzy when I’m on the jog cart. So, anything less than 2:20 is too much for me. But I have friends around who come and help me every day. It’s not just the people at Rideau Carleton who call and give me support and tell me to keep trying. It’s people from across the country.”
A list that includes driver Louis-Philippe Roy, who got his start at Rideau Carleton before he took his talents to Woodbine Mohawk Park.
“It’s something that so many people say about John, but he is a classy gentleman who is very passionate about the sport,” said Roy. “He is always thinking about other people first. What he is going through puts your own life in perspective. In the horse business, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves for things that might not matter when you look at the big picture.”
MacMillan had the opportunity to call the races at Mohawk this past July, as a fill-in for track announcer Ken Middleton, who is recovering from serious injuries suffered in a late June training accident.
“I wasn’t 100 per cent because things had begun to change, health-wise, at that point. I called three race programs, and it was a big thrill. Everyone at Mohawk, horsepeople included, welcomed me with open arms. It was a great experience.”
One highlight came on the evening of July 18 when Roy drove Shadrack Hanover to victory in the sixth race.
“It was nice to call one of your friend’s horses winning,” reflected MacMillan.
Roy, in the middle of a very successful year in the race bike, was grateful to hear the familiar voice welcoming him back to the Mohawk winner’s circle.
“It meant a lot to me,” said the driver who recently reached the 2,400 win mark for his career. “It shows who John is, and that is someone who is always happy for other people’s success.”
In between the required rest and radiation appointments, MacMillan is maintaining his connection with horses and horsepeople.
While he has had to alter the amount of time he spends at the barn and the racetrack, and the daily regimen he had known for years, MacMillan, who served as a director with the National Capital Region Harness Horse Association, remains passionate in his affinity for all things Rideau Carleton.
During his days as the racetrack’s general manager, he once brought in 10,000 fans to watch supergroup The Eagles perform in the Rideau Carleton infield.
“I called my first race there when I was 17 and still in high school. The racetrack has always been a huge part of my life. As the race announcer, you get to watch people grow up before your eyes. You get to be the one who calls their first win, and some, many years later, you call their 3,000th win. Watching them develop and grow personally and as horsepeople - when you reflect on your life, it means a lot to you, that you played a small part in their lives. You feel a tiny part of their success.
“We’re kind of on an island here because we are so far from the central and southwestern Ontario tracks. It’s very difficult to climb up the ladder [if you’re] at Rideau Carleton. It’s a long process if you want to stay here. The racing community - it’s like every other track - everybody gets along when the races are over, but when the races are on, it’s very competitive. There are very good horsepeople here.”
MacMillan included.
As of October 19th, he has accumulated 1,778 career training wins, over $10.2 million in purse earnings, and a career UTRS of 0.303, having competed across Ontario and Quebec since 2000. Highlights include victories by the Ontario-sired pacing filly Serenity Seelster and trotter Stiletto, who delivered his first driving win on the Woodbine circuit in 2003.
MacMillan’s best year came in 2007 when he trained 184 winners and fell just shy of the $1 million plateau with $974,629 in purses.
“Myself, as a trainer, over the years, I consider myself a journeyman. I started this a long time ago and try as hard as I can every day. I would watch people and try to learn from what they were doing. I would mimic what they were doing and put my own touch on it. For me, it’s always been about showing up to work every day and doing the best job I can. Looking back, I’ve done it long enough that I’ve built a decent career over time. I wish I could have learned that the wins will come again when you’re losing. There were times I took it too hard when I was losing. I wish I could have learned that it was a process, and that if you stick to your program the good times will come again.”
MacMillan is hopeful of the same in his cancer fight.
Despite the hurdles he has already faced and those to come, he remains resolute.
“I’m trying as hard as I can. I can’t do everything I used to do, but I’m still competitive and we will keep sending the horses out there as long as they can compete. I consider myself so blessed for the 53 years that I’ve had. I was born strong, and I was born resilient, and into a great family. Opportunity just seemed to come my way. I’ve been lucky my whole life. If this is what had to happen, I’m glad it happened to me and not someone else who might not be able to take it as well as I am.”
There is a certain date marked on MacMillan’s calendar, one he is determined to see.
“I know this is going to sound crazy, but I’ve been a runner my whole life and I’m still hoping to do the half-marathon in Myrtle Beach in March. Realistically, it would take an absolute miracle. My doctors say that I won’t, but I still think there is a chance. I’m eating right and doing whatever exercise I can. The pills I’m on have put 25 pounds on, so when they take me off them, I hope I can get down to my normal weight. I’m still looking ahead. I have to be realistic about what I am faced with, but I’m still trying to do the best I can. I try not to look to the end.”
Instead, MacMillan looks for the uncomplicated moments, the times that allow him to focus on nothing more than what is close at hand.
“I try to stay in the present and look at what I can do every day. If you try, you find moments that give you hope.”
Just like the world MacMillan sees every morning when he gazes out the window at a field full of happy horses.
This feature originally appeared in the November issue of TROT Magazine. Subscribe to TROT today by clicking the banner below.